WE PRETENDED we were gods to save ourselves. you might burn us for the hersy, but you would've burned us earlier if we hadn't. you would have hurt us and violated us and thrown us to be eaten by the wolves in the valley. you wouldn't tie the knots with shaking hands if it hadn't been for our disguise; our thin pretendings of immortality. YOU WOULD HAVE BURNED US BIT BY BIT instead of together, beautiful, and whole. our ashes are beyond your control and it's because of our falsity we have that much. YOU WOULD HAVE BURNED US TO THE GODS. you would have burned us if our godhood was true.

today i did a yoga class because elise said HEY LET'S DO A YOGA CLASS and abused people with alma and me in her car without a muffler and the yoga class was tough and hilarious and when we lay down in a dark room to meditate and she said

your heart, open your heart,

a heart came into my mind, red and dripping, on a dusty road with a coyote snarling with its muzzle in it, its white teeth in it ripping and devouring and throwing back its head to swallow those rich red remants. i snapped my eyes open and looked at the ceiling and then went back to picturing white light, white light, draping right through me with the BRAIN WAVES SINGING what is left when you think heart you see mangy coyotes on dirt roads feasting on a heart that looks suspiciously familiar

i don't think i am good for anything i think i am the extra parts someone glued together
i think i am wrong and gone and i think i will be going soon somewhere where there's no coming back from
& i'm so scared, i'm so scared.

THAT NEVER TALKING THING YOU DO -- IT'S EFFECTIVE, SO EFFECTIVE.

i'm having trouble breathing right i'm so fucking nervous
already cried once today. the anxiety.

this fucking election.
oh god, oh god. how am i supposed to go the entire day like this. i'm a fucking nervous wreck. wish i could vote. wish i could go help at hq instead of going to school.

vote, babes, please.

nn okay i'm calmed down now :)

i ship it.

ripped so roughly from barreled 

Explain the meanings for all of the usernames for all of the characters you roleplay.

- NYMPHADORA TONKS (HARRY POTTER) ○ napaealms 
"Nymphadora" literally tanslates in Latin to "Gift of the Nymphs," or so things I read told me. Classical nymphs were named according to the region they liveed in (and for forest nymphs, dryads, for their certain trees, too). Napaeae were were mountain valley nymphs. And I felt like giving her a mountain nymph name. Alms are givings to the poor and needy - Nymphadora as a name has some aspect of giving in it (gift), and she's a good guy, one who fights for good things, so alms seemed an okay word to go with. I really like this name, even though it's a huge bastardization.

- BELLATRIX LESTRANGE (HARRY POTTER) ○ noceba - CLOUD STRIFE (FINAL FANTASY VII) ○ illusorymotion 
Ilusory motion has two kind of meanings, though it's essentially the same thing. MORE COPYING FROM WIKIPEDIA. I am lazy.

• Stroboscopic images - Where a series of static images are viewed in sequence at a high enough rate that the static images appear blend into a continuous motion. An example is a motion picture.
• Optical art (Op art.) - Where artists use simple black and white patterns that create vivid illusions of motion, known as optical flow.

Nobody really knows why some aspects of  illusory motion occur. There's tons of different explanations, but nothing truely definite. I don't really know. It rang to me of Cloud. And I go for variations of "illusion" for Cloud journals a lot, to match his wacked-up brain and history.
- CLOUD STRIFE (FINAL FANTASY VII) ○ illusionable 
Illusionable just means liable to illusion. Which Cloud is. Ta-dah.

- MARLA SINGER (FIGHT CLUB) ○ tumoral 
Part of it has to do with the whole support-group thing she does, pretending to have cancer and other diseases. But it's mostly because of this quote form the book. "If I did have a tumor, I'd name it Marla."

- LYRA BELACQUA (HIS DARK MATREIALS)  ○ filialeve 
KAY. His Dark Materials is full of obvious Biblial allegories. That's the plot. Lyra is the second Eve of Genesis, the Garden, the fruit, all of those things. And she's the daughter of Eve, we all are supposed to be Adam and Eve's children. Filial means relating to being offspring of something. She's the result of all of what happened, everything. The child of it. And she's a kid. Yeah.

- LUNA LOVEGOOD (HARRY POTTER) ○ ohyesbeliever 
I made this one ages ago, but still kind of like it. :Luna's the believer.

- HARRY POTTER (HARRY POTTER - AU) ○ unemerald 
Still like this one, too. Never used it. He needs a hooooome. Unemerald because of the whole OH YOUR EYES ARE SO EMERALD HARRY. And this is an entirely different, dark Harry. He is all UN what he was. But in a sense, it's reaffirming what he was, because emerald is the color of the bad guys in the book - green, really, but emerald is good, too. It's the color of greed. Which isn't Harry, even in my alternate version.